Meghan McCartan of Detours and Onramps hit upon a brilliant bit of fantasy this week, posting about her roster needs for a fantasy life team.

Fans of Commuter Daddy may have sensed that I am an avid fantasy football player (note fandom of Fantasy Focus Football podcast, for starters). I’m a participant in two longtime leagues, and have been playing some version of fantasy sports since I was in college. Back then, we tracked basketball/baseball/football stats via the USA Today sports page and manual tallies on homemade “spreadsheets.” Old school, baby.

I even once participated in a fantasy golf league. I might need counseling.

For the uninitiated, the most fun part of fantasy football is the draft. First comes the full immersion in fantasy-football related content in the weeks (OK, as I get older, it’s days… alright, you caught me… it’s really hours) leading up to the draft. Then comes the combination of friendly taunts, greasy food and a few adult beverages with friends during the draft itself. It is more enjoyable if you are all gathered in person, but drafting and chatting online by the light of the computer monitor still ranks high on the fun meter.

So in the spirit of having a fun draft, I have dined on a sufficiently greasy chicken parmesan, changed from khakis to sweats, and am ready to ruminate with you on formulating our fantasy life roster, starting with Meghan’s outline:

• Chef
• Maid
• Chauffeur
• Work Assistant
• Grocery Shopper
• Gardener

I see a gap almost immediately.What I need in addition to Meghan’s suggestions is someone to sleep for me, so I have more time to do other things. I truly need a Sleeper, to borrow from fantasy sports parlance.

For example, I returned from New York Wednesday night at 11 p.m., and as I’ve indicated previously, I cannot immediately fall asleep after a road trip. So I caught up with Brandy about the family events I had missed over the last three days, and when she went to sleep, I read through school notices and other things until my brain began to idle and my eyes got heavy. As I turned out the light, it was just shy of 1 a.m.

Next thing I knew, the dog was needing a walk and barking, Benjamin had climbed into bed with us, and the clock read 5:30 a.m.

If I am not going to get a sleeper on my roster, I certainly need a Dog Walker. If someone would walk the dog when the street lights are still on, then I could at least sleep until sunrise.

I also need what I’ll call a Reminder on the roster — someone who can remind the kids of their morning routine and daily chores. It would be the equivalent of a fantasy football kicker — someone who is needed to fill out a roster spot, but isn’t paid any attention otherwise.

Exhibit A: The following requests were made of our children this morning, just as they are every morning, despite the fact that most are also listed on points sheets that serve as responsibility reminders and determine weekly allowances. The names are omitted to protect the offenders, but for the record, all three boys had to be reminded of something, either individually or as a group.

• “Don’t play on the iTouch before you’ve done what you need to do this morning.”
• “Why don’t you guys go have breakfast.”
• “Please put your dish in the dishwasher.”
• “You need to brush your teeth, make your bed and get dressed.”
• “Please put your dish in the dishwasher.”
• “First you have to take a shower, then you need to get dressed.”
• “For the third time… dish… dishwasher….”
• “Don’t forget to give the papers to your teacher.”
• “You’re going to need a sweatshirt.”
• Five minutes before the bus is supposed to arrive, shout upstairs to oblivious child. Pause 5 seconds. Shout child’s name again. Pause three seconds. Shout child’s name again. “Yeah?” “Bus!” “Oh!” Lots of scuffling ensues.
• This time, to another child: “Stop playing on the iTouch. You’re not watching the clock, and you’re going to miss your bus.”

Lather, rinse, and repeat as necessary, morning after morning. That should be someone’s — or something’s, like an iReminder robot, perhaps — daily role on Brandy’s and my fantasy life team.

We also need a School Events Attender. Brandy and I went to kindergarten orientation on Monday morning, followed by open house Wednesday (Brandy attended while I was driving my way home) and Thursday nights (we both attended). We’re likely to experience a similar schedule when parent-teacher conferences roll around, not to mention any upcoming concerts, plays and recitations. Don’t get us wrong. We love being involved in our boys’ lives. All we really want is someone to attend in our stead, hold up popsicle sticks with our life-sized heads glued to the top, and videotape the proceedings for us to watch later. We can make more efficient use of the time, the kids feel like we were there, and we get to watch it all after they go to bed. Is that so wrong?

Speaking of school, we also need a Volunteer on the roster. The volunteer not only would cover obligations and favors conducted in the classroom in the name of education, but this could be a flex position that would double as a youth sports coach, field hand and general helper at other family-oriented community events.

Finally, I need a Handyman. The towel rack I installed in our bathroom more than a year ago? It’s already separating from the wall. The screen door I installed this summer? Already in need of some realignment. The logs in the back from the trees we took down last year? This wood is not going to split itself, you know. The replacement custom bifold doors I ordered for the laundry? Don’t even get me started. That’s a post unto itself. We are awaiting arrival of the second order of these doors. When they do finally arrive, it will likely be December before I have time to install them.

That is six more positions added to Meghan’s list. To recap:

• Chef
• Maid
• Chauffeur
• Work Assistant
• Grocery Shopper
• Gardener
• Sleeper
• Dog Walker
• Reminder
• School Events Attender
• Volunteer
• Handyman

We’re open to your suggestions, be they additions, subtractions or name improvements. Let the games begin!